Seasons of a Woman – February Body Map
FEBRUARY – Beginning
by Andrea Wright
My Body Map Story
At a time where the chaos of life’s commitments barely gave permission to allow me my own space, somehow I knew this workshop was necessary…
And I woke with a burning pain in my left eye. I arrive anxious, feeling unprepared. But as we began to drop into our bodies looking for our impulse to start the body map journey, the pain in my eye reveals itself as fuel for the base of the work. Blue fire appears on paper- burning from the unconscious body. A light that’s perceived from inner seeing, piercing through that which I yet cannot or don’t want to see. The work begins here, deepening with the heat of attending moment by moment to the images and intuition of the body. A baby’s head arrives, where I form her in clay; her heavy, cool skin soothes the heat in my eye. What message does she have for me?
At a junction in my life, looking down many roads around me; which one to take- to do more writing, decisions about work and family life? There prevails a sense that trusting is a way of knowing. Step; have the courage to just step, it will be enough to start.
And as I enter the landscape, I tread into an unknown territory of what will become the ground for my Beginning. I traverse slowly, sensing my coordinates. And here I am, curled like a baby. I imagine how ‘she’ might begin to come alive as our relationship commences. Each step of ‘adding’ is intuitive and makes no sense as I stop to survey each layer of building the map.
Accepting the offer of ‘touch’ by Annette in a sensitive and nurturing way, I lay my head in her hands. Strong sensations emerge; an opening of warmth in my belly. Birth- as my hands in the shape of the mandorla (an ancient symbol for wholeness- in the shape of an almond) moves between my legs and then unfolds as my arms wrap themselves around me, holding me securely.
Words flow in now; ‘birth’, ‘relationship’ and ‘body-mind’, seamlessly shifting to form images on the canvas. Mandorla sits as a conduit, a metaphor for the body-mind connection, my constant reminder to harmonise their relationship.
A golden egg arrives; from nowhere, out there, now in the continuous dark expanse to which my early form full of potential floats. Guided by these images that have an integral connection to the very fabric of my body, I consciously see how I must traverse my way in the world. She is another beginning. My Beginning-again.
The time is ripe to birth my deepest passion in my work, to make my voice heard. And the words they are coming now, with the courage that this journey of discovery is just beginning again. This now is taking form in professional articles, and finally articulating a novel methodological approach to somatics/bodywork that I’ve been developing over many years. How empowering it is to dare to speak our truth. Daily I gaze upon you, my body map; you impart strength in the wisdom of your infantile beauty.
What voice emerges for us today? Can we trust that we can be born again into new realisations of the self, moving into different relationships that hold that which is already whole within us?
So grateful that the blue fire guides my seeing, the warmth protects my centre and the relationship that begins-again in me, contains the wholeness that already is.
You were hidden for a while from view
The eyes that see.
Yet the eye within was always watching, sensing, feeling your presence.
And now I see you on the floor; the speckled sunlight from the window lighting the night sky above your head.
I feel warm and something moves me deep in my belly.
…Yes. This is your name- my process.
I see your golden outline- unfinished yet complete
I decide not to ‘tidy’ you, as I am a container an empty vessel for all that stirs within me.
That which I do not know, that which I experience so close to me-
which often has no words.
I will not alter what is there, as a reminder that our journey is never complete.
The rawness of coming again to see myself
You show me
You touch me
Move me again and again
Re-membering: Something lost? Hidden?
Fading, dying sunflowers over-shadow and cast their weeping heads in your sunlight glow
But you are life – A new life –
A-Beginning that has no end
It is through our relationship that I am renewed again.