MARCH – Stir It Up
by Ruth Love
My Body Map Story
stir it up
circling round the canvas
I pace
looking at myself from different angles,
seeing all the wants, all the desires, all the parts of me
babies, womb, speech, power, heart
all terrifying and exhilarating at the same time
is that me? that glowing goddess dancing on the page,
whose power
resides in her womb, and which can be channelled
into a myriad of different paths
if only I could choose which?
this power is buried deep in the girdle of my hips,
in the sacred grove of my womb,
I have been searching for a way
to reach it, touch it, for years, yet,
now I have caught a glimpse of the bloody depths,
reached in and stirred the cauldron up
it frightens me. so much potential is there,
can I really let it out?
it won’t stay inside, this mapping of me
has made it real, has given form and context,
colour and movement to the
fathomless lake of energy
which until now has lain, supporting little life,
in the valley of my hips,
over looked, under appreciated, unnoticed.
I can’t ignore it
push it down and away, can’t let it
evaporate and dry up,
leaving behind a barren empty space.
if I do, there will always
be something missing.
my attention gives it fuel,
lets it surge up, rising inexorably.
the cauldron boils and gurgles,
it bubbles up and through,
effervescent, heady,
the steam infusing every part of me.
now face to face with myself,
I look myself in the eye,
in the womb,
in the heart,
and am so achingly terrified
and so overcome with love
that tears fall down my cheeks.
this woman, this creation is me, a me
I don’t, can’t
see and yet I’m there, always.
I have unleashed myself, broken through
my walls, and leapt out, onto a page
to be seen, to be remembered,
to be looked at and pondered over,
to be greeted, like an old friend who
I haven’t seen in years